Home is Wherever I'm with You...

Do you ever find yourself in moments of distress, fear, sadness, or exhaustion just thinking to yourself, "I just want to go home"?

This past year, I noticed that my automatic response in times of pain or hardship, frustration or anxiety, was a deep heart cry for home. That may seem a little confusing, considering in most of those instances, I was sitting in my house, where I lived with my husband, in a familiar region of Florida where I've been for years, with family and friends close by. If that's not home, then what is? And if it isn't then what was I yearning for?

There is no place that I feel more at home than Fire Island, NY. It's the place I grew up and forged a permanent connection with the ocean, the place I learned to sail and crab, where my dad taught me how to open a clam and catch frogs by moonlight, where I spent nights being rocked to sleep by the waves and mornings building sand castles. It's the place where I made every fond memory of my childhood with people that I love. There's no where else in the world that I feel so myself, so in my element, so at peace and happy.

Needless to say, I get homesick for Fire Island all of the time. We go back to visit every Summer for about a week. When I think of home, that's the place that holds that title in my heart. But unfortunately, I can't stay there and inevitably have to leave at the end of our visit. Being so far away from the place I call my true home has given me the opportunity to feel displaced so I can realize something greater:

Home is not a place, it is a Person.

I can always expect to walk into a church service and have the speaker preach a message that is exactly what God has been putting on my heart. The message on Friday was on point with my own thoughts and the conclusion we drew was the same: Abba is our home.

Jesus constantly redirected our gaze to Heaven in scripture: "You're not of this world. Your citizenship is elsewhere. Heaven is your home. The Father is your home." If you look up the word "abide" in the Bible, you'll see it multiple times over in reference to Him and His love. The word abide means "remain, stay, live, dwell." The place we call home is where we feel safe to remain, the most free to stay as long as we'd like, where we can live a life of being authentically ourselves, where we can dwell in comfort. I don't know about you, but that is precisely how I feel when I "abide" in God's presence!

As humans, we are wired with the need for safety and security, somewhere we can go to rest without worry, somewhere familiar, somewhere we feel we belong. While in this physical reality, it is all too easy to find the fulfillment of these needs in physical places and things. But we are not primarily bodies with spirits, we are primarily spirits with bodies. Our ultimate home must be found, therefore, in the spiritual realm, not the physical. Our ultimate home is in the One who can meet our needs for refuge, comfort, and oneness the best, because He created those needs to begin with.

Our desire for somewhere to call home is rooted in our desire for oneness with God.

You may have noticed the title of my post from a song called "Home" by the band Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes. I think the lyrics pretty much exemplify how people feel when they're in love: that nothing is more comforting, more safe, more freeing than being with the person you love.  Humans craving relationship and union with someone else is the picture of Jesus' desire to love and be loved by us as His bride. Being unified with someone is exactly what makes home feel like home!



Just as I began to ponder these things, Hurricane Sandy ripped through the North East. I don't want to minimize what people are going through by saying I understand how they feel to lose everything because I don't, but Fire Island, my home, was devastated along with theirs. Seeing the pictures of damage in the place most dear to my heart in the entire world, I felt like someone just punched me in the gut, stole my puppy, and trashed my house all at the same time. Seeing the one place you love more than anything under such destruction is totally heart-breaking.


But for all who have lost their homes, we can rejoice in the face of tragedy in knowing that we have a home that no wind or rain, snow, sleet, hail, tornado or wave can destroy. Even in the midst of the rubble, we have full access to an unblemished, unbreakable, perfect dwelling place. He is comfort, He is safety, He is hope, He is rest, and He is free for all to take shelter in.

His name is Jesus and He is our true home.

"Those who live in the shelter 

of the Most High

will find rest in the shadow 

of the Almighty."

-Psalm 91:1

<3 Hali

What's in a name?

For as long as I can remember, I've been obsessed with names. There's just something about them that intrigues me; The way they sound, the way they're written, what they mean, how they make you feel, what you associate them with, even how adding or taking away one letter can totally change it and create a whole new name, sound, or feel. In elementary school, I would draw pictures of made up characters just so I could name them what I thought fit their appearance or the personality I created for them. Even now as a "grown up," I love looking up names and what they mean, following the ebb and flow of popularity in naming trends, and hearing what people choose to name their babies.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who finds themselves interested in this topic. But what's in a name that makes them so fascinating?

A name is what you're given at birth to be called for the rest of your life. It's what you will sign checks with, put on the bottom of birthday cards, see on your license, get those freebie points with on the SATs, but even more, it is what you exchange with someone when you invite them to know you, and if you don't share it with someone who is pursuing a relationship with you, it leaves something lacking, as if they can't truly know you without it (I'm reminded of all those movies that start with a man encountering a woman who captivates him, and when she leaves without giving him her name, he makes it his mission to find out what it is). I've even noticed it in my own life, that if I see someone all the time and I don't know their name, it drives me crazy. Or if I forget someone's name, it's a horrible feeling, as if I'm forgetting who they are as a person.

What is with this need to know someone's name? I think the reason is our hunger for identity. As humans, we are wired with a need to know who we are at the deepest level and to know others at the most intimate level too, first and foremost by God, then by others.

We are made to know and be known. (1 Corinthians 13:12)


(Side thought: When Moses asked God what His name was, He said "I am what I am" which we shorten to "I am." We never really had God's "real" name to call him by until He put Himself in bodily form and called Himself "Jesus." Just another way God satisfied our need [AND His] to intimately know God through Jesus. ...although we still don't know the Father's "real" name, which I believe He intentionally left as a mystery so our curiosity and desire for adventure would lead us to pursue Him deeper, until we finally are "known [by Him] as we are known.")


In ancient Jewish tradition, people were named based on their personality, something they did, something they were, even what their destiny was. They weren't just named a name, but called something that described them. Some examples of this are: Isaac, which means "he will laugh" because of when his mother, Sarah, laughed at the idea she could be come pregnant at her old age; David, which means "beloved", and whom God proclaimed was a man after His own heart; Delilah, which means "one who weakened" because she weakened the might of Samson; Jesus, which means "God is Salvation," etc. Sometimes, God even changed their name when they encountered Him and had a transformation of heart and realized their purpose and destiny, like Abram to Abraham which means "father of nations"; Jacob to Israel which means "wrestles with God"; Simon to Peter which means "rock." Every name means something more than the letters that form them. They all have a back story.

I firmly believe that while your parents may not have realized it when they decided on what to name you, God is behind the decision and your name means something profound in relation to your identity.

A few years ago, I went on a bit of a journey to discover what my first name meant and was totally blown away with the revelation God gave me. I don't doubt it: He chose my name. 

However, I was never able to find anything substantial on my maiden name. I've tried a few times to do some research, but couldn't find much of anything, other than the fact that it's German. 

But when I walked out of my bedroom this morning and saw Ian's framed coat of arms that I got for him a few birthdays back, I thought about how my name was changed, maybe not in the same way or for the same reason as some of the people mentioned above, but I've taken on a new heritage, nonetheless, and I wanted to find out what that meant for me.

The Walsh family motto is "Transfixus sed non Mortuus" which means, "Transfixed but not dead."

Transfixed is defined as "to render motionless, as with terror, amazement, or awe."

I immediately thought of when John saw Jesus in the book of Revelation and after he described what He looked like, it says that he fell before His feet "as a dead man" (Revelation 1:17).

Transfixed, but not dead. Rendered motionless in awe of God almighty standing before him in all His splendor, yet more alive than ever.

While I have many scriptures that I call my favorite, the one that I have made the aim of my life is Psalm 27:4, "One thing I have asked of the Lord, this I will seek; to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the Lord's beauty and inquire in His temple."

To be forever transfixed by His beauty.

This has been my heritage from the very beginning, but I always knew that when I got married, it would position me to walk in the fullness of my destiny and my calling even more because God has great purpose on my union. 

And would you believe, that my new last name that I've been grafted in to through marriage, means the very thing God has made me for, the essence of the scripture God has given me to live by. Wow.

God is so personal and deliberate with what He names you, just like He knew what scripture was the cry of my heart and what my married name would be. He really does care about the details and wants us to know our identity and purpose. Not to mention, it isn't just my destiny, but also yours, to live in this transfixed reality, because in beholding God's beauty, we discover ourselves.

So what's in a name? I'm not sure what's in yours, but I bet it's worth finding out.

<3 Hali

Floating is kinda deep...

 Water is the best therapist, especially when the prescribed treatment is to float on it.

I rarely go to the pool when the beach is an option, but it was later in the day and just too hot to warrant me driving around for a half hour, fighting for parking. So I settled for the pool in my apartment complex, got in, laid belly-up, and began to float. Peaceful. Stillness. Just me, the sound of my own breathing magnified by the water around my ears, and my thoughts.

Now I know this is absolute silliness, but for some reason, ever since I was little and I went in the pool to float with my eyes closed, I would get a sudden flash of fear as an image filled my mind of a shark coming to eat me from the deep end. At 24 years of age, this same fear washed over me like a tidal wave, not a second after I closed my eyes. It was gone as quickly as it came because of course, I swatted it away with my mental "irrational thought" swatter,  but when I tried to return to my relaxed state of mind, more thoughts took the opportunity to get their foot in the door, as well.

I would go back and forth between a feeling of ethereal peacefulness and sudden terror as stupid thoughts entered my mind like, "Do you realize how vulnerable you are right now to anything and everything, floating with your face up? ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN TO YOU!" or "The only thing keeping you from falling into concrete is water....FREAK OUT, NOW!!" And the longer I stayed still with my eyes closed, the more I was reduced to the most primal battle of the mind: to give into brain clutter, or to maintain my peace. 


The times in which you are still are the times your mind is most bombarded. 


In our culture, the concept of sitting still and doing absolutely nothing is extremely frowned upon. After all, how can you be productive if you're not doing anything? Or thinking about anything? Surely God frowns upon this as well, for  "idle hands are the devil's playthings," right?


Wrong.


God's main goal for us has never been busyness. He's not concerned with what we can do for Him; He simply wants us to be with Him. Even more, He wants us to know Him. His directions are extremely clear on how we accomplish this: "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). It sounds so backwards, but if you really think about it, it makes perfect sense: You can't really get to know someone if you're only doing things for them, and you certainly won't get to know them by doing all the talking (sound like "prayer" to you?). The only way to even begin to know someone's heart is to give them your full and undivided attention and listen to them.

Being still is so crucial to the point that without it, we will totally wither up. John 17:3 says, "Now, this is eternal life: that they may know you..." And Hosea 4:6 says that God's people perish because of lack of knowledge. Both the Greek and Hebrew words for the root word "know" in these verses literally refers to an intimate knowledge of God through experience. How can we possibly develop an intimate knowledge of God if our minds are so consumed with nonsense?

The enemy's mission is simple: to steal, kill, and destroy. Doesn't it only make sense that if the key to knowing God and living life in abundance is stillness, that the enemy would come full force against our ability to be still?


As I floated there, contemplating all of these things and fighting off all kinds of mental junk, I realized something else: the first emotion that rose to the surface to invade my peace was fear.


Fear is literally the antithesis of God, because God Himself is love and there can be no fear in love (1 John 4:18). So what better tactic for the devil use to distract us from knowing God than to fill our minds with fear, the furthest thing from God Himself?

I honestly believe that the biggest fear keeping the people of God from being still before Him is literally the fear of being still. Silly, right? But it's true! If you were being honest with yourself, how comfortable are you with the thought of sitting in your room for half an hour, doing and saying and THINKING nothing? How about an hour? How about a few hours? How about not praying or putting on worship music or even opening your Bible?

Are you squirming at the thought, yet?

Most of us are afraid to do nothing when we go to spend time with God because we feel like we aren't pleasing Him by being idle. We think we need to at least be praying for someone or thanking God for something, telling Him something or asking Him to tell us something. The idea of complete and utter stillness is superbly offensive to our minds, and why wouldn't it be when we've got a culture that's always on the go and an enemy who doesn't want us to give God the time of day? But we've got to get over it and push passed this if we want the full promise of peace and abundant life that Jesus paid for.

I could literally talk about this for hours because God has given me such a passion for this topic, but I won't. However, I will say that when we become a people who know who we are, that we are sons and daughters and don't need to do a stinkin' thing to gain God's favor or approval or grace, we will be able to confidently sit before Abba with no striving and no agenda and simply enjoy the pleasures of His presence, fear-free! And ironically, the best way to find out who we are is to to know Him, which comes by--you guessed it--being still! Isn't God hilarious? ;)



I remember going to the beach with my husband and trying to teach him how to float. It was funny because no matter what he did, he couldn't seem to stay above the water. And to be honest, I really couldn't explain very well how to do it. I just relaxed and it happened for me.

The thing about floating is that the less still you are and the more you try to float, the more you'll find yourself submerged. And it's the same way with the Lord; striving will only make you sink faster.

So stop trying so hard. Don't be afraid to do nothing; you never know what God may be trying to give you if you'd only sit still long enough for Him to show you.

Float on, my friends! Float on :)

<3 Hali